I would just like to start by clearing something up for you: there is no such thing as “The One.” There just isn’t. It’s a myth. There are over 6 billion people on this planet, several of whom you would have very healthy marriages with. “The One” is a concept that simply does not exist in the Bible. As my good friend Alex put it, “The idea of ‘The One’ puts God in a creative box. It’s insulting to God, saying that He could only create one person to fulfill me.”“The idea of ‘The One’ puts God in a creative box. It’s insulting to God, saying that He could only create one… Click To Tweet
I’m sure that now you’re saying, “But Jake, what about Jeremiah 29:11, which says, ‘For I know the plans I have for you.’” I’m glad you brought that up! In Jeremiah 29, God is speaking to the Israelites, who have been taken away from their homeland and scattered throughout Babylon. God tells the Israelites that He has a plan for their nation and that their descendants will not have to live in Babylon forever. However, most of the Israelites who heard God’s promise never lived to see it fulfilled. They didn’t take it as a personal promise for their individual lives. In Jeremiah 29:11, God was making a promise to the nation of Israel that they would get their homeland back one day. He was not promising to send you a boyfriend.
In fact, a relationship is not God’s plan for your life at all. Let me say that again: God’s ultimate plan for your life is not a husband. I cannot say that strongly enough. God’s plan for you is for you to always be drawing closer to Him. His plan is for you to become more and more like Him every day. His plan is for you to pour out His love on everybody around you. His plan is for you to rest in His supernatural peace. God isn’t in your life to make you rich, to send you a spouse, or to rescue you from hard circumstances. He is in your life to give you joy that surpasses your circumstances.
So, with all that being said, I would strongly encourage you to be on the watch for a potential spouse. God put men and women on the earth to enjoy each other! Just because God isn’t going to deliver the perfect man into your life doesn’t mean you can’t find a husband yourself. Don’t wait for something to happen to you, because it won’t. You have to be proactive! God’s ultimate plan for your life is not to send you a spouse, but unless God has called you to celibacy, He would probably love to see you find one. God made you with a unique set of personality traits and physical features. There are people out there who will find your combo attractive, and you will find some of those people attractive as well.
Do you know what’s more romantic than the idea of “The One?” The idea that there are hundreds of people in the world who you could have happily married, but you chose one, and that they chose you. “Love is a choice commitment,” in the words of my buddy Cody. There may not be such a thing as The One, but once you say your vows to somebody and kiss them at the altar, they become The One. Now that’s romantic, and it’s what God wants for your life. He made hundreds of people who will be magnetic to you, and God takes joy in watching you pick the one who you think matches you best. You have a choice, and if you make the choice to be with somebody who is compatible with you and who loves God dearly, God will bless you through that relationship and use that relationship to achieve his ultimate plans for your life.
The most important thing to understand is that God doesn’t use a relationship to complete you.
He uses a relationship to point you towards Him, because He is the one who is going to complete you. You should be seeking God first and foremost, but in your pursuit of a spouse, be seeking somebody who will support you in your pursuit of God, somebody who will continue to point you towards Him rather than towards themselves. If a relationship or the pursuit of one has become your god, that is a very dangerous place to be. You’re still missing the point if that’s where you are in your search for a relationship. You are a complete person in God, not in a human relationship. God will use your relationship as a tool, just as He will use your friendships in the same way, but only your relationship with Him will complete you.
God does have plans for your life, but those plans lie outside of your earthly circumstances. He will use your earthly circumstances, but that’s not the end goal. You do not need a relationship. You simply don’t need one. It’s for that reason that you need to be patient while you’re looking for one. This is not life or death. You will find a spouse when you find one, and in the meantime, God will be more than enough for you. Wherever you are in life, He is speaking to you. Listening to His voice and seeking His face are all you need to do to be on your way to a life modeled after His plan. The best part? There are so many other people who are seeking God, too, and you will get to seek Him with one of them for the rest of your life. But don’t worry—you have plenty to choose from.